Welcome to the Power Trip!

Americans, in general, seem to thrive on their ability to kiss ass. That's right kids: Ass Kissing. The art of puckering up to someone's posterior has not only grasped us as a cultural movement, but it permeates our everyday essence to the point that we rarely recognize how often we grub at other's anuses. Politicians do it. Students are quite often skating by in schools, simply because the butt-kiss. Hell, in offices across America, employees lick the line that separates one ass cheek from the other. So why not do it in the Big Brother house in order to win the game?

Take the case of Lisa, who in episode two begins as Head of Household. For Lisa, the power is prevalent in every shape and form, even if you count her thong! "I love the power I have as Head of Household," Lisa begins the show. "I love the gifts, I love the food and the refrigerator, and I even got pictures of Herman, my cat!" Lisa just wants the honchos at CBS. Yes, this is a good way for her to start off the game, and she'll let them know. She is, in fact, surprised because all seems good except for the fact that she herself hasn't kissed enough asses to get a bunkmate for her newly acquired Queen Size mattress. This, as we all know, only takes a few pecks, and, voila, someone will follow.

In fact, if you pay close attention, you'll notice they're all lining up for the pecking. Amy offers to help move Lisa's clothes into her new room. Gerry, though, tries his hardest to get the ass-licker award by carrying a whole drawer full of clothing in the room! Eric asks to massage her feet. Josh, on the other hand, who notes that Eric is working it, points out the obvious after handing our reining queen a beer: "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid..." No Josh, you're not, so just jam your tongue in the hole a bit further. Lori points out that she might be at risk, as she's not gotten to know Lisa. She was too busy working Roddy's bum. She will note, however, that she feels bad for her, as there has been so much harmony (read: Ass-Kissing) in the house that Lisa has it pretty tough. In fact, as she points out to Roddy, any nominee will be fine for one reason alone: it's only been a few days. Lori, smart gal, realizes early on that there hasn't been enough time to salubriously smooch the spot below and behind.

Josh, meanwhile, is worried, as he spills his fears to Amy on the porch. He lets her know Danielle doesn't like her, which Danielle points out in our first non-ass smooching moment by saying, "The girl doesn't shut-up". This doesn't stop Josh, who lets Amy in on the tiny secret, to which she confirms, "I'm the worst first impression!" She hasn't practiced the art of rimming too much. Josh, though, is confirming his stay in the house, to which Amy polishes her art a bit: "You're the comic relief in the house, so don't worry." We won't, Amy; however, others should.

Take for instance Marcellas, who hasn't really kissed a behind in the house (though I'm sure his mouth has touched a few in the real world). The houseguests are wondering if he's gay. He thinks people know, but they may be too afraid to ask, so he's "waiting for the other shoe to drop." Marcellas, pray it is the pants and pucker those lips! If he knew the real deal though, Danielle and Tonya are honing their gay-dar these days and are figuring out if they're right. Tonya adds "if he's not, we're sorry"; see - another ass kiss! Gerry meanwhile is playing the role of father figures, and Jason lets the US see his ability to rub up to the rectum by calling him a "father figure."

Naturally, Big Brother wants in on the action so the first luxury challenge is offered. Here, all twelve will really bring it to CBS when they have to enter the first jump-in-a-pool-of-slime-drag contest. Eric points out "we all want full access to everything," so he knows they've got to do what CBS wants if they want an evening in the hot tub. In order to win three teams of four (two men, two women) must jump in a pool of slime, switch bathing suits with members of the opposite gender, and reach the finish line in under twelve minutes. Everyone wants the hot tub, so CBS gets a gracious amount of houseguest humiliation. CBS gets the second to last ass kiss.

Meanwhile, Danielle and Tonya have kids, and, thus, can kiss each other's bums in regard to the spirit of motherhood. Marcellas, though, breaks the ass-kissing agenda, as he can't stand to hear them talk about it anymore. He says, " I'm tormented by Tonya's hair, the pet lizards, and the fashion sense of both Tonya and Lori!" In his opinion, this is worthy of eviction. Josh, on the other hand, sees no reason to kiss Marcellas on the underside and discusses with Lisa, Roddy, Eric, Gerry, and Chiara that they should instead warm the backside of Amy to make her think she is in their voting block. It's all a ruse, so, in essence, he's offering a light spanking. Everyone wants to kiss Jason's ass, especially Chiara, who says, "He's adorable." Lori thinks he's a sweetheart and lets him know when they clean the bathroom together, but the ladies lay it on heavy when the find out he's a virgin. No one, however, takes the time to point out that in his lack of sexual prowess that he's never had a proper ass kiss.

Josh spends the week buttering up Lisa so that she'll definitely nominate Marcellas in round one. He also offers up Lori because he feels she won't hold it against anyone later in the game; Josh must think she really likes to kiss ass! Outside he tells Lori of the plan, but smooches her swanky behind by letting her know that he doesn't think she'll be on the outs in the end of this round. He also takes the time to let her know it isn't really his idea, and once again puckers up to another backside. Then Josh makes the mistake of telling Gerry in the storage room that he feels Lisa is under his thumb and will do whatever he wants. She, though, overhears his words and lets us know that this "snake" will receive his "snake poison." This leads me to believe that Josh might get a needle in the ass before he finds her lips on his hairy behind.

Before we know it, Lisa has to break the butter-up vibe by nominating two individuals. Marcellas and Lori find themselves with their heads on the chopping block. Lisa tells Marcellas that he hasn't "taken the time to get to know everyone." See what happens when you don't kiss ass? Lori, on the other hand, gets her nomination for not "getting to know Lisa, unlike the rest of the group," which simply implies that Lori was kissing the wrong assess all week long!

So our first two nominations are up, and they've got one week to kiss enough behind to hope they're not voted out. Julie Chen lets us in on a secret: There will be a twist next episode that will throw the houseguests for a loop. My God, we even got our assess kissed so we'll come back for more! One can only hope there is some Listerine nearby when all is said and done...